Saturday, August 15, 2009

It's not you it's my leader.

To all those concerned:
I'm severing all ties with everyone I know. Friends, family, colleagues, internet fuck buddies, even my blog. I'm joining a doomsday cult. I saw this guy's face on a flyer in the mall and I just about shit my pants. I mean, this is the guy; he's looks like Spock and Dracula combined with a little bit of Jude Law.

Anyway, I just can't help it. I love this guy. His name is Pyotr Kuznetsov. I don't know how to pronounce his name so I've been calling him Peter.
Love. Love is many things. Many things are love. Peter says things like that. The other day he said, "Love is old. Love is new. Love is all, love is you." And he may be a weirdo but you know what world? Love is a weirdo. You can't help who you fall in love with, and I mean, people love Jesus. So I love this guy. Sometimes I call him Leader Peter.
Peter says the world was supposed to end like may something last year and when it didn't he got really depressed. So it's been really hard for him to get people interested in gathering around together and committing to a day for the world to end. It just sounded like a human interest story to me all the way. So I went to a meeting and well . . . the rest is history. I wanted a story but I got more than I bargained for. I am in love with this doomsday cult and for the first time in my whole life I am in love with me. I am blossoming. I am loving. I've never been better. Unfortunately I will never see any of you ever again, so there's that. UNLESS you want to join the cult. In which case: AWESOME!!
The cult is really cool, it's just like camp except there's sex and stuff. Some field work some brainwashing, but it's much better than the nine to five shit I've been doing lately anyway. There's no worldly possessions in the cult and Peter says I should give away all my stuff but I'm putting all my stuff into storage. You know, in case the doomsday prophecy is accidently misinterpreted again like last year; so please don't send me a bunch of e-mails for my stuff unless you have a serious offer.
But listen guys, I'm getting off the subject. The point is it's been great knowing everyone and good bye forever.
This is Marc Sauve saying:
Good Existence Marcketeers. Good existence everyone!

Oh yeah. Mass suicide TBA in January 2010. Should be a good turn out.


  1. I have created my my own cult thank you very much. It is The Dude Cult. We worship all that the dude abides and do not tolerate what he does not abide. It's like no hassles man, we live life, fuck like little monkeys and like smoke some pot man. shit, what was I talking about......fuck man. Oh yeah cults, no thanks man. Never wanted one, don't need one man. Got pot

  2. Can you be in two cults at the same time? Or is that Cult cheating? What if their is an enemy in one of my cults planning to kill me?It's true I tell you! I mean my other cult meets like once every two-three months maybe a Grandmother going away or a 3 month barbeque get together planned and possible meet at Christmas time too. Yeah and we have like weird rules in our cult like no gift giving for Christmas? Huh? Our cult is like The Justice League Of America. We have some interesting characters too like Fat Beastman, Stupid Wonder-Twin Animals, Zorro oh and Chrissy Warewolf. Our cult leader is our hero who is Superman but he's really Jerry Seinfeld. Our grandmaster is Abuela de la Psiquia able to read the minds of all those that tresspass. We meet at the Union Boulevard of Justice otherwise known as Planet of The Cats. I was handed a flyer at our last meeting that read "Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death." So why the sudden change to another cult you dare aks? Well that besatman just happens to be my brother!!!


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