Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
You are in a very expensive lounge but you are not enjoying yourself. You have just taken a gigantic dump in their very nice bathroom only to find the toilet completely nonfunctional. You are waiting in misery for someone to discover what you have left behind. You finally see a tall european man stalking out of the bathroom towards the center of the lounge. He stands on the table and proceeds to make the following announcement, " Hello, my name is Andres Guitiea . If you have not heard of me, google me and you will find that I am one of the most famous and wealthy artists of the 21st century. I am looking for the person who just pooped in the bathroom. I have been using bowel movements in my art for two decades and never have I seen such a masterpiece of fecal matter. I will pay ten thousand for the bowel movement. I will also pay for additional movements. Please come forward my caca muse." Immediately someone else comes forward claiming your poop as their own. Do you take issue?
You are seriously into mountain-climbing. You've become an EXTREME Mountain-climber who jumps off of mountains and uses all type of high-tech gear to scale the highest peaks. You have several videos on youtube showing your stunts and close calls with death. You have once again jumped off a mountain and are now gliding through the air… but something goes wrong. You lose control and are now plummeting to your death. So many things go through your mind, so many regrets, so many people you will never see again. Out of nowhere, you are grabbed by a man with wings. He flies you to the nearest perch and explains that he saw you and couldn't help but save you. You explain how grateful you are and how interested you are in his wings. He tells you a long story about how he got them and after some hours explains how you can get them too. At once you want them but he says there is a catch… "Ever since I got these wings... I get raped by eagles... a lot… like all the time." Do you still want the wings? You will get raped by eagles.
You've been given bad news. You have a disease that is completely incurable and absolutely fatal. the interior of your stomach lining is attacking everything that isn't stomach. The pain is indescribable and you've begun to beg for death. Unfortunately you are in a catholic hospital and they will not perform euthanasia; they do not believe in it. What they do they do believe in is enchanted heiney trolls; one of which is brought to your bed. This sixteen and a half inch disgusting, bald, bearded troll is sitting on your bed with one hand on your stomach. Smiling, he says, "I can save you and you can live a normal life… as long as I can live in your asshole. I will be a part of every time you go to the bathroom. You have five minutes to decide, as there is also a patient next door who is desperately in need of my service and in ten minutes you'll die. We'd be like room mates… in your ass." How do you reply?