Here's an idea Marcketeers! Stay up real late and write the scariest place you could imagine finding Hamburger Girl and then post your idea here. If it's any good we'll say so.
ex. After watching six episodes of How I Met Your Mother in a row I get up off the couch to use the bathroom. While in the bathroom I hear something scuttle across the floor in the other room. From the bathroom there is a trail of fast food wrappers leading back into the living room. To my horror, there she is, sitting in the shadows under a side table next to my sofa shaking her cup of ice like the pit viper's death rattle.
Perhaps upon entering my garage in order to fetch some jumper cables to recharge the battery of my Jazzy motorized scooter at midnight, I notice something quickly scurry across the far wall, and am unable to make it out. I quickly grab my 14 inch MagLite flashlight which is hanging from my utility belt, switch it on, and shine it at the opposite side of my garage. I sac what appears to be standard garage fare: tools, rags, some boxes, a few empty buckets and... what.. the.. fuck is that!!!!! I'll tell you what it is. It's the hamburger girl, sauntering up the corner of the wall towards the ceiling, where upon reaching it, she turns to me and sneers, only to then spew the likes of 600 eggs out of her abdomen, which proceed to explode upon the floor, shooting forth a depraved army of baby hamburger girls. The Jazzy, it seems, will have to wait.
ReplyDeleteAs I lay on my towel on an empty beach, I struggled to fight off the feeling that I was being watched. This seemed a very paranoid and unreasonable feeling, as the beach was located on a private island and isolated from most of civilization. After a scanning my private paradise, I decided it safe to shut my eyes and doze off. I woke up to something crawling up my leg. Perhaps a bug. With my eyes still shut, I reached down to brush it off. My heart fell into my stomach. The thing on my leg was no bug but a hamburger wrapper. I flipped over onto my back to discover a ten foot hamburger girl scowling over me. I opened my mouth to scream but I was too afraid to make a sound. Looking for a place to escape I picked my head up and faced out to the ocean. There were thousands of them, all ascending from the water. Good thing i didn’t go swimming.
ReplyDeleteWhile hiking in a forest I come across a clearing. In the clearing is a pond, which isn't immediately noticeable due to a thick layer of duckweed covering the water. Having always been intrigued by pond life, I begin to travel toward the pond armed with a stick to clear away the greenery. Unfortunately, upon plopping one end of my stick in the water and gazing into the murky water, I touch a dead goldfish. It's floating and covered in muck. Sickened, I take a step back. There are strange lumps all over the pond's surface under the veneer of glowing green. Now thoroughly repulsed, I quicken my retreat only to swing my arm into a spider web. I tug my arm in an attempt to free it. Freedom isn't won. The stench of dead fish and sludge suddenly mix strangely with a familiar waft of fast food. I turn to the vice which holds my arm captive and scream. The "spider" web is at least 6 feet in diameter. In neatly wrapped bundles are half-eaten hamburgers, with their wrappers suspended all over the sticky net. Perched high upon her web sits Hamburger girl. She flicks away what appears to be the orange tail of a fish that she was using to pick her teeth, and asks, "Do you have any ketchup?"
ReplyDeleteIm driving, its late, foggy, im on my way home from a party, im drinking and driving. The radio is blaring with the dulcet tones of Elton John’s, “Tiny Dancer”. Im by myself, Im impressed with myself as I remember that the lyric is “lay me down in sheets of linen” , not “lay her down she’s so sinnin” and I hit the note beautifully. A tear rolls down my cheek as I handle the curve of the road with the grace of Elton John’s demeaner when he was knighted. A pale figure runs across the road, “Gollum?!” I swerve, a half eaten hamburger hits my windshield. The grease on the windshield, coupled with my blood alcahol level causes me to over correct and roll the car, it slams into a tree. I come to, everything hurts, the radio is still on, Meatloaf sings, “I gotta know right now!” I find my barings, I hear something chewing, I open the door and there she is, hamburger girl, I turn to stone, she takes a huge bite, smiles and sings through the grease in her mouth, “Do you love me will you love me forever do you need me, will you never leave me, will you make me so happy for the rest of my life will you take me away, will you make me your wife!” I scream, she lunges at me, I cant move my legs, she kisses me and all I taste is hamburger…
ReplyDeleteI happen to be on what I thought was a secluded island watching the coconuts gently breathe in; then out. I was amzaed if milk could really come from those magnifiscent knockers. I became fascinated with these melons I mean coconuts and thought someday I could have a farm of them. Then I peered further to see a Brazillian wax sand castle. Oh I would have love to enter Her Majesty's Estate perhaps offer my valiant rod of Raj. So I began stroking myself to create friction so the tanning oil could soak into my sunburnt skin. As I was masturbating I mean contemplating in my paradise lost I saw something. "What the hell is that?" no really I thought "What the hell is that?" I hurried put my pants back on and asked Marc no really come here "what the hell is that?" He came over and said your right "what the hell is that?" This went on for sometime then Marc realized it was someone he knew and loved and cared for very much. I asked an admirer? No he said with his binoculars at his chest heaving against his punding heart. Don't tell me I said it's your ex-girlfriend the Hamburglar!
ReplyDeleteI'd say in Hamburger Girls vagina. I'd imagine her to be scarier possibly even Hot Dog Girl, you know, because of the geography.
ReplyDelete