To all those concerned:
I'm severing all ties with everyone I know. Friends, family, colleagues, internet fuck buddies, even my blog. I'm joining a doomsday cult. I saw this guy's face on a flyer in the mall and I just about shit my pants. I mean, this is the guy; he's looks like Spock and Dracula combined with a little bit of Jude Law.
Anyway, I just can't help it. I love this guy. His name is Pyotr Kuznetsov. I don't know how to pronounce his name so I've been calling him Peter.
Love. Love is many things. Many things are love. Peter says things like that. The other day he said, "Love is old. Love is new. Love is all, love is you." And he may be a weirdo but you know what world? Love is a weirdo. You can't help who you fall in love with, and I mean, people love Jesus. So I love this guy. Sometimes I call him Leader Peter.
Peter says the world was supposed to end like may something last year and when it didn't he got really depressed. So it's been really hard for him to get people interested in gathering around together and committing to a day for the world to end. It just sounded like a human interest story to me all the way. So I went to a meeting and well . . . the rest is history. I wanted a story but I got more than I bargained for. I am in love with this doomsday cult and for the first time in my whole life I am in love with me. I am blossoming. I am loving. I've never been better. Unfortunately I will never see any of you ever again, so there's that. UNLESS you want to join the cult. In which case: AWESOME!!
The cult is really cool, it's just like camp except there's sex and stuff. Some field work some brainwashing, but it's much better than the nine to five shit I've been doing lately anyway. There's no worldly possessions in the cult and Peter says I should give away all my stuff but I'm putting all my stuff into storage. You know, in case the doomsday prophecy is accidently misinterpreted again like last year; so please don't send me a bunch of e-mails for my stuff unless you have a serious offer.
But listen guys, I'm getting off the subject. The point is it's been great knowing everyone and good bye forever.
This is Marc Sauve saying:
Good Existence Marcketeers. Good existence everyone!
Oh yeah. Mass suicide TBA in January 2010. Should be a good turn out.